Unemployed Yet Again

So, since a few people have asked, here’s some info about what I’ve been doing lately…

I’ve been working at a short-term, part-time job, which is probably ending in a few weeks. Unfortunately, I’m actually hoping that it ends soon, since (like some of my previous jobs), the reality of the position was not at all what the hiring manager told me it would be. I keep reading articles about how you can learn something from any job, even if you feel like it’s beneath you… the only thing I learned from this one is “don’t trust anyone, ever,” but, I knew that already.

(Ok, I’m sort of kidding. But this job sounded really interesting during the interview, and it was definitely a let down. Oh well. I’ve been on other interviews recently and maybe something else will come up soon.)

In that respect, I am currently semi-employed, and soon to be unemployed (yet again)… no big surprise there:(

In other, better, news… I have decided to go back to school. I recently applied and was accepted to a new program that is writing-related (I can’t give away too much since it is a specific niche program). It’s a few days a week, so I am still looking for a part-time job. (And I still have years of stories about business school and bad interviews to share, as soon as I get around to writing them!) But I’m happy that I finally have something to do that I’m excited about. It starts in the fall, so I still have the summer to wait around, hopefully work if I can find a job, etc. I had considered going back to school for another degree for a while, but I couldn’t find anything that was really right for me. Then I found out about this one, which sounds exactly like what I really want to do. It’s for a master’s degree, but not really a traditional academic program, with lectures and all. It’s more about the writing. So for once, I’m feeling optimistic…

Since I am (probably unreasonably) paranoid that my boss checks my Internet browsing history, I do most of my stupid web surfing/slacking off on my phone instead of my work computer. That will probably backfire though, I bet he thinks I’m texting instead. Today I spent my morning squinting at Thought Catalog on my phone, while trying to look serious and not laugh out loud. I’m sure that wasn’t suspicious at all.

Don’t you just hate it when someone at work tells you, “oh, on Monday we’re all going to have lunch [paid for by the company] in the office to celebrate someone’s birthday…” and Monday rolls around, and it’s never mentioned, and everyone goes out to buy their own lunch as usual, and you feel stupid for believing them?

Yeah, I hate that too.

(The worst part is when you’re left alone to think “did I imagine it, or did someone tell me that we were all having lunch today?? I don’t think that I was hallucinating…”)

I just had to share these:

• Must know Excel, especially Pivotal Tables

(note: they’re called Pivot Tables)

• good judgement

My JUDGMENT is so good that I can even spell the work correctly!

• Smiles frequently/very upbeat/good sense of humor

Oh, how I hate this criterion! You should be choosing an employee based on ability to do the job, not whether you’d choose the person as a friend. Sure, You want someone who is relatively pleasant and can get along with people - no one wants to hire someone who’s going to behave like they’re on Jersey Shore/Jerry Springer all day. But, come on, you can’t expect everyone to have YOUR IDEA of a good personality/sense of humor! These things are subjective!

• Explain any gaps in resume

I want to write to them: “There’s a recession going on. Check any news source if you don’t believe me.”

Ugh, I hate to write something w/ such a depressing title. But it’s true:( I just got a rejection email from some job I interviewed for yesterday. It’s gotten to the point where I actually appreciate that people even notify me so that I don’t have to chase them down to get my rejection!

Anyway, it was another one of those “we went in a different direction” emails… I’m thinking of writing back to say “which direction is that?” or something along those lines. I just wish that they could be honest, but of course they can’t be too honest because they don’t want to get sued. I have a feeling that my MBA made me “overqualified,” something that I hear a lot these days. I’ve been hearing it for YEARS, since I got my MBA almost 2 years ago - and even earlier than that, when I interviewed for jobs (as a grad student) I used to hear the same thing a lot. This guy yesterday asked me “what do you want to do long term? What did you want to do when you went to business school?”

Here’s the truth: I was going to be an accountant, but after one semester, I could see that it wasn’t going to work out. Accounting is harder than it looks. One class taught me that. I tried finance for a few semesters - all of the interviews I went on were horrible (most of the stories from this blog are about finance interviews), and it was clear that finance wouldn’t work out either. But I was almost done w/ my degree, so I switched my major (yes, in business school there are majors, like college - it’s pretty dumb) to marketing. I thought that maybe I could get some sort of marketing/communications jobs that involved research reports or writing marketing proposals or something. I didn’t. I’ve interviewed for a few of those jobs, but they were never offered to me.

Anyway, so I’m left to beg for jobs I’m supposedly “overqualified” for (their words, NOT mine - at this point I’d be happy to have a job). Then the employer inevitably “goes in a different direction” or whatever crap they want to call it… and I’m home applying for yet MORE jobs on craigslist, a website that’s basically a cross between a yard sale and a whorehouse.

Other news from today:

a recruiter in CT (I live in NY and I could commute there for a good job, but it would have to pay enough to justify traveling round trip on metro north EVERY DAY - which I doubt this job does) sent out an email to everyone she knows about a call center opening in Stratford. At this point, I would sign up if it were closer:(:( But I’m not commuting for that.

Some other recruiter called me about a job I applied for. I didn’t pick up the phone, since I recognized her number. Then she left me a voicemail. Here it is: “Hi, it’s [her name]. I got your resume for the creative assistant position we posted on craigslist. I’m working on a position at a financial company, and I saw that you had also worked at [bankrupt investment bank] so I thought I’d give you a call. Call me back at [her number].”

Ok, notice anything wrong here? She blatantly skipped over the job I had actually applied for (because it’s not real, it was never real - those postings are called “ghost jobs” - yes, there is an actual term for the fake jobs posted by headhunters). Anyway, I hesitate to call her because I’ve been to that place (her agency) before, to meet with someone else who has since quit working there, and they never seem to have any real jobs. I recently read that headhunters actually make their money from selling info GIVEN to them by job-seekers about their salaries and benefits at previous jobs. (Rather than from commission, as you would assume.) So, this other horrible-sounding job she wants me to come in for might not even exist!

Anyway, back to my original point. Anyone have any idea how to deal with the “you’re overqualified” issue? Yesterday I told the guy something along the lines of “I want to get a long term stable job. I was looking for a job in marketing, but there aren’t a lot, so I just want to get one job and stay there.” I really have no idea how else to approach this one. No one ever seems to believe me! What do you guys think? Anyone have a better answer?

Highlights (more like lowlights, really) from various jobs. Some of these overlap, but I’ve cut each one down to a bullet point so that no one can identify the companies.

• Bathrooms were frequently out of order. Also, there were few public bathrooms in the neighborhood.
• Heat didn’t work. People sat at their desk wearing their coats all day. Yes, in February. I had a space heater by my feet, so my ankles were so hot they felt burnt, while the rest of my body was frozen solid.
• Sat near a date-stamping machine, which “clicked” loudly every minute to a new time. On my first day, I thought it was a bomb. After a few hours, I wished that it were, to break up the monotony.
• Performance reviews consisted of being (unfavorably, of course) compared to other employees. Professional phrases such as “[coworker’s name] kicks ass. She kicked ass right away. You need to take more initiative!” were frequently employed. By the way, it was not a sales position.
• Coworkers often walked by while talking and looking right at me. I would turn, only to see that they were talking to someone behind me. No one ever acknowledged this. I was so unimportant that they could see right through me, like a sheet of glass.
• Was not invited to company holiday party. When someone else went to the boss to ask her to invite me, she must have said no, because no invitation materialized.
• Had to account for every minute spent at work, in 15-minute increments. (Ok, it was a law firm, and that’s standard practice. But still.)
• Got fired for no reason with no warning. Yes, that’s the meaning of “at-will employment.” They can fire you, and you can’t sue them. Well, I guess you can, but you won’t win.
• Temp job where attempt to engage group of perm  employees in small talk was met with collective blank stare.
• Temp job where perm replacement showed up with no warning. I had to train her on how to use the phone system, voice mail, the computer, etc. She had never done any of those things before. But she was more qualified than I was for the job, right?
• Multiple jobs where employees talked about new/potential hires as if we were in prison. (“Oh, are we getting new interns? Good, because I need someone to do my bitch work. I’m going to make one of those kids my bitch.”) Everyone, stop this! It’s very very creepy!
• Several jobs where the actual duties had no relation at all to the original job description. Ok, I’m willing to be somewhat flexible, but really? You gave me a job description for a reason! That’s what I was willing to do. Not all this other crap that I was never trained for/warned about!

(The lies are the bullet points, the truths are below.)

• I recently graduated from…

If by recently, you mean 2 years ago

• I have extensive research experience…

Doing google searches

• I have a lot of experience with PowerPoint…

Entering data into templates that were created by other people

• During business school, I was active in the Finance club…

I went to two meetings for the free pizza.

Anyone want to share their cover letter/resume lies?

I noticed a post on Craigslist for a “marketing executive”. Everything looked okay until I read the salary line. Has the bar come down that low?

Marketing Executive

Date:

Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]

Nikkei Marketing Limited is a company that specializes in the sales, marketing and distribution of Red Reishi Mushroom Supplements to the Natural Health sector and are looking for a full-time Marketing Executive to perform the duties listed below: 

DUTIES 

Project Management 

• Manage the advertising, branding and creative assets of the company. 

• Ensure that project outcomes are high quality, on time and within budget. 

• Must be highly organized and efficient, as work usually involves managing several complicated and time-sensitive projects simultaneously. 

Routing 

• Ensure that ads and assets are approved accordingly by managers and directors through routing. 

• Develop relationships and experience within the company to ensure that materials are routed quickly and efficiently. 

Outside Vendors 

• Communicate with outside vendors that may require legal vetting or a formal Request for Proposal to determine an estimate and scope of work, depending on an organization’s policy. 

• Track project budget details with an outside vendor as well as manage invoicing and other financial details. 

Timeline and Calendar Management 

• Create the timelines that guide creative and marketing projects for the company. 

• Distribute timelines and reminders to co-workers and vendors as a due date approaches to ensure that tasks are completed on time. 

Technology 

• Be fluent in the Microsoft Office Suite of programs, including Outlook, Word, PowerPoint and Excel. 

• Have experience with creative software such as Adobe Photoshop and Dreamweaver. 

• Create HTML e-newsletters as well as blog and website content. 

Social Networking 

• Manage company presence on social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter. 

EXPERIENCE 

• Prior experience in a fast-paced consumer or packaged goods within a manufacturing, branded or distributor business model is required. 

• Prior experience managing social networking modules an asset. 

SKILLS 

• Ability to juggle competing priorities with sensitive timelines, combined with a strong sense of urgency, passion for business and interpersonal skills are essential. 

• Strong knowledge of Microsoft Office is required. 

• Basic to intermediate proficiency with Adobe Creative Suite, especially InDesign, Photoshop and Illustrator. 

• Database communication software an asset. 

EDUCATION 

• Post-secondary degree or diploma in Marketing required, unless proven with experience. 

SALARY 

• $30,000 - $35,000 annual salary depending on experience plus attractive, unique health and wellness benefits. 

If you have experience and enthusiasm for marketing and is considering working in the field of natural health, please forward your cover letter and resume to the email address linked above. 

Only successful applicants will be contacted. 

Location:

Compensation: $30,000 - $35,000 annual salary depending on experience plus attractive, unique health and wellness benefits.

Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.

Please, no phone calls about this job!

Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: